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Part 1: Ghosts Inside Your Mind

by Mcsplosion

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1.
Anomaly 06:47
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Another lonely night goes by, and I can't help but wonder What are they thinking of me Now? Do they respect what I have chose? Do they see son or daughter? Do they just want to tie me down again? I'd not have done it for attention; who would really do that? Uproot the life they've known and face the storm? Anomaly, that's what I seem, for wearing myself on my sleeve Mars has grown so far from me, and Venus just beyond my reach Dreaming of things that cannot be, so says old biology Socially I choose the void that lies between the girls and boys I hope that by the time you hear this, I'll have already told you so I hope you've got the message now I hope you know the difference now, between a flag of rebels And one that only cries for love If you still think it's for attention, ask yourself "Well, what kind?" The vitriol I'll face for honesty Anomaly, that's what I seem, for wearing myself on my sleeve Mars has grown so far from me, and Venus just beyond my reach Dreaming of things that cannot be, so says daily bigotry Once you know what's in our heads, you might realize why we think you want us dead You want me gone? Well, I'm walking out the door You want me dead? Well, just try to kill me now The future was never written by the empty bitter shells like you The empty bitter shells like you all know it's true Dig up my bones, they'll never give a shit about the shape Dig up my records, they're nothing but outdated shredder food The future was never meant for narrow minds like you Be it by a gunshot or a book, you need to open up your mind You want me dead? Well, just try to kill me now You want me dead? Well, just try to kill me now The future was never meant for narrow minds like you With empty bitter shells, Empty bitter shells of hate You want me dead? Well, I'm still walking out the door You want me dead? Well, just try to kill me now The future was never written by the empty bitter shells like you The empty bitter shells like you "The Future is Now, Old Man." - Dewey
2.
Rebar Tomb 07:39
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We're never gonna get away and it's all my fault for dragging you here Alone and afraid, we don't stand a chance Think just this morning, we'd gotten out of bed and thought "Hey what the hell, let's go and spray some walls?" "There's an empty parking lot just 'round the bend with lots of blank canvasses." Didn't think that you could get lost in a parking garage But it happened then; it's still happening now We're trapped, disoriented. I just want to go home There's so many things I wish I could take back I thought I had the time, but Time had other plans He saw fit to trap us here inside these walls, with sunlight just out of reach Sunlight streaming in out of the corner of my eye, but when I turn, there's not an exit to be seen It was just a bit of fun, how could I have known we picked a building with a bad temper? There's so much that I wish I could have told you like the way your velvet hair turns in the cold october air I wanted to say so at the perfect moment but circumstances have made that moment now I promise you, If we get out I'm gonna treat you the way I've always wanted to I haven't told you yet, I just hope you feel the same.
3.
Distillation 05:22
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Drill the Hole like the needle still in your veins Cause you always need more of me To kill the pain that she left on your stricken face when she couldn't deal with me anymore Drowning Yourself In your room(Drowning Yourself In your room) Floating Above the Poppy Field (Sinking into the poppy field) Can't wait to choke on the taste(Can't wait to choke on the taste) Till you're nothing but a waste(you're nothing but a waste) Lay Down, Dear Dorothy Cause there's always more of me to flush out the hurt that you feel in your blackened heart (STICK THE NEEDLE INTO ME) No one is sparing you but I'll still be there with you To give you that final push down into hell (Now you're Nothing without me) Write a letter that you'll never get to read Tie it off with a knot of fate When the money runs out to fulfill me It's either this or a robbery Now that you're stood on that chair (NO DON'T YOU DARE, DON'T YOU DARE!) Thoughts fragmented but also clear (YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT ME HERE) You see this is no way out (THIS IS THE ONLY WAY OUT) What would she think of you now? (YOU KNOW SHE WOULD LOVE IT) Throw away your finery burn silver and ivory the morphine and opium mean nothing, now hope's begun (PUT THE SILVER TO THE HEAT) As the silver burns away you stand to live another day to right all these wrongs and to renew your lease on life (NO) Don't you see, there's nothing left for you to be Just tie it up, jump off the fucking chair Don't throw away the half-undone rope again It's just a phase, a cycle, a dare You're just a fool, a fucking tool, a layabout quit looking for something you can't live without The story's over your life is like a rotting trout I'm the thing that you can't live without HEROIN IS YOUR ONLY FRIEND (It Doesn't have to be your only friend) (It's better not to be a friend at all) Lay Down, Dear Dorothy whisper these words to me don't fall down the pit again don't leave it all behind As the silver burns away you stand to live another day Unnatural sleep shan't enclose you, expose you to me Lay Down, Dear Dorothy
4.
Babel 04:20
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Silence in The Tower of Babel 'Cause I don't understand a word you said Still i nod and pretend I can if it means that you'll leave me alone Receding water from the shore Wasn't much of a flood at all And though my feet are wet This whole thing's just so overblown (I've got so many things to ask, no one else to ask them to) Why can't you leave me alone? (I've got no friends or family, they're all fed up and sick of me) Is there someone I can Phone? (Please oh please just let me in, I mean no harm, no foul, no sin) Just let me sleep in my home... (I'll keep growing onto you, never come apart, us two) It's like the moss on a stone Now that you've finished your rant, do you feel any better now? Maybe your problem is you don't know whose head is up whose ass (I don't know what you want from me) Just 'cause you've broken the mirror doesn't mean that you can't reflect (I don't know what you want from me, am I not being the man that you want?) On all the things that you've done, and why everyone you "love" hates you (got so many things to ask, no one else to ask them to) Why can't you leave me alone? (I've got no friends or family, they're all fed up and sick of me) Is there someone I can Phone? (Please oh please just let me in, I mean no harm, no foul, no sin) Just let me sleep in my home... (I'll keep growing onto you, never come apart, us two) It's like the moss on a stone Plunge the knife into your cheek, you freak Plunge the knife and let it bleed (It bleed) Plunge the knife into your cheek, you freak Plunge the knife and let it bleed I demand respect although I deserve none I demand respect although I deserve none I demand respect although I deserve none I demand respect although I deserve none
5.
Fangs 04:31
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You don't respect me, you just want to label me And then adjust the label to something you can bear Someone you don't understand might as well just not exist You just want another dinosaur like you Just 'cause you don't understand doesn't mean I don't exist I'm not defined by freaks like you You laugh and say it's a joke, but I can see the fear in your eyes You're afraid that I'll be normalized It's never been up to you how one can identify There's not a fucking rulebook on who I am when I die But you would like that, wouldn't you? That in a million years, when we're both as dinosaurs, that I too will be forgotten? Well, buddy, I think you're wrong! "What's the problem, big boy? Scared of a little diversion from the norm, a little taste of something sweeter? You've had the reigns for so long, give someone younger a try. Maybe you'll like where we end up." You've run us into the ground for generations You put us all behind the other nations How many kids will you kill before you face it? We're not just going to hell, we're going deeper You don't respect me, you just want to kill me You want to slaughter me and everyone I stand for God doesn't love me, and he doesn't love you either We're all going to hell when the Dementia kicks in You want the bathrooms? Have them! You want the children? Keep them! You want the future? Keep it! You want to control my life? That's where I draw the fucking line
6.
Kick 04:17
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You're such a gifted little boy You need the best attention A bunch of extra classes You've got potential, don't be shy Just don't let those numbers slip Don't disappoint me! All of these extra classes numbing my brain Can I get a kickstart, maybe skip this whole grade? Give me time to acclimate before we lumber on This academic road is beating me down Why can't I be normal? Why must i be special? Coasting my way to a nervous breakdown Grades are slipping, and there's no time left for summer Never was, but it'll soon be over I'm gonna put off college, try to figure myself out and dig my way out of this nervous wreck I'm in How could you throw that all away? Do you care how much we tried, carved out this path just for you? You're just a lazy little leach now You can't amount to nothin', why should we try to help you now? Maybe they were right to question when i held off classes but what's the excuse for what came next? I realized I'm not perfect, little, or even a boy, but kick me out they did Safety net is breaking, so are ties, and oh my heart it aches for all that betrayal at once
7.
Licked 04:27
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I'm done trying to be the man you want me to be I'm just trying to be someone that makes me happy If that doesn't align with all your backwards views Then I'm so sorry, but I don't really fucking care I'm not your model citizen Especially if that model's anything like you I'd rather die than emulate such a prick regurgitate your vitriol I'm done trying to be the man you want me to be I'm just trying to be someone that makes me happy If that doesn't align with all your backwards views Then I'm so sorry, but I don't really give a shit I've got a new life just ahead this life with you, I've already thrown away Why should I hide the girl I am from your face? It's not like you could like me less "HEY SNOWFLAKE! IN THE REAL WORLD, YOU DON'T GET A PARTICIPATION TROPHY, NOT EVERYONE IS A WINNER, NO-ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING, SCREAMING DOESN'T MAKE YOU RIGHT- (unintelligible)-CRYING DOESN'T SOLVE PROBLEMS, NOTHING IS FREE IN THIS WORLD, PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SAY THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE, AND YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL!!!" Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? (Ooh you know, you know, you know) You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know?(Ooh you know, you know, you know) You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? (Ooh you know, you know, you know) You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? (Ooh you know, you know, you know) You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? (Ooh you know, you know, you know) You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? (Ooh you know, you know, you know) You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? (Ooh you know, you know, you know) You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? (Ooh you know, you know, you know) You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? (Ooh you know, you know, you know) You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? (Ooh you know, you know, you know) You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? (Ooh you know, you know, you know) You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? (Ooh you know, you know, you know) You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? You're just like the snowflakes that you melt Do you know? You're just like the snowflakes that you melt (I'm done trying to be the man you want me to be I'm just trying to be someone that makes me happy If that doesn't align with all your backwards views Then I'm so sorry, but I don't really give a shit)
8.
Fallacy 04:50
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Don't tell me, "You were drunk again" I don't want your excuses I just want you to know I'm not falling for it I don't care if you get drunk again Because I know that what you said is how you feel all of the time anyways You're just a sad excuse of a stepfather and every time you say something that makes my stomach turn I just say to myself that I'll be getting out real soon Don't speak your truths when they're based on faceless lies I know your "friends" seem so trustworthy But take a moment to think for yourself, not from the men in your facebook feed. Don't tell me you did your own research You trust just about anyone who disagrees denies the state of the world, because you think people like me should hang You're just a sad excuse of a stepfather and every time you say something that makes my stomach turn I just say to myself that I'll be getting out real soon At every wrong "opinion" I stop at rolling my eyes because the shit that you say makes me want to die but I'm the priveleged one if I say to respect what you don't understand Now where did you run to, Where did you hide I told you I'm sorry, don't mind that I've lied And if you won't accept, my fingers twisted in ties Then I'll let you leave me, Now go run and Hide
9.
Checking Interlude 01:26
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10.
Dumb Rabies 04:25
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"Let me paint you a picture: You go camping, and at midday you decide to take a nap in a nice little hammock. While sleeping, a tiny brown bat is fidgeting in broad daylight, uncomfortable, and thirsty, and you snort, startling him. He goes into attack mode. Except you're asleep, and he's a little brown bat, so weighs around 6 grams. You don't even feel him land on your bare knee, and he starts to bite. His teeth are tiny. Hardly enough to even break the skin, but he does manage to give you the equivalent of a tiny scrape that goes completely unnoticed. Rabies does not travel in your blood. In fact, a blood test won't even tell you if you've got it." Long Past the point of no return Your mouth has well run dry and your mind not far behind A Simple bite could cause all this? A Single moment sealed your fate? The Thirst Won't End, But I Can't Drink a Drop My Body Siezed, and now I'm Lashing out My Mind is Gone, My Soul Is Trapped Within An Angry Husk, A Half Dead Man Maybe if I Acquiesce and Take a Bite My Throat will open and I can finally Scream For Help Yeah I'll Scream Then I'll Dream Of A time where my body was mine When I could take a fucking Drink When I could Fucking think "You begin hearing things, or not hearing at all as your thalamus goes. You taste sounds, you see smells, everything starts feeling like the most horrifying acid trip anyone has ever been on. With your hippocampus long under attack, you're having trouble remembering things, especially family. You're alone, hallucinating, thirsty, confused, and absolutely, undeniably terrified. Everything scares the literal shit out of you at this point. These strange people in lab coats. These strange people standing around your bed crying, who keep trying to get you "drink something" and crying. And it's only been about a week since that little headache that you've completely forgotten. Time means nothing to you anymore. Funny enough, you now know how the bat felt when he bit you. Eventually, you slip into the "dumb rabies" phase." Then I'll Dream Then I'll Dream Then I'll Dream Then I'll Dream "Then you die. Always, you die. And there's not one... fucking... thing... anyone can do for you." "You Sick, Ed?"
11.
Now I Know What It Feels Like... 08:52
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"No... No, I'm not sick. I just got a very funny feeling. Whew, I never felt anything like this before." "What kind of feeling?" "It's like I didn't belong here, like if I was to let myself go, I'd..." "You'd what?" "Like I'd disappear." Why Don't you remember him?(It's not a name I recognise) We all went up there together(maybe you're delerious) There were Three of us, Remember! Something's pulling us away I know that I'm not crazy, I know there's something wrong with the world I just can't prove to you that I exist But maybe there's a transcript of the last time i spoke of him to you Maybe that's all it takes But he's not there, it's only me! We both took shots in your name Then he called home and they didn't know him We laughed it off, but the feeling remained Then he was gone, not a trace Now I know what it feels like, to slowly float away from the world I just feel that shortly I won't exist I look at my reflection, hoping for some way to ground me There's nothing there But maybe there's a transcript of the last time i spoke of him to you Maybe that's all it takes But he's not there, it's only me! Harrington! Harrington! Harrington! Harrington! (Various other recorded clips from "And When The Sky Was Opened" Play over the second half of the song)
12.
...To Slowly Float Away From The World 10:15
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13.
Early Sunsets Over Monroeville (Cover) 05:28
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14.
Fight Test (Cover) 04:10
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15.
Creep (Cover) 05:46
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16.
In The Garden (Cover) 04:13
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17.
Napoleon Solo (Cover) 05:18
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18.
Hide and Seek (Cover) 06:09
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19.
Napoleon Solo (Slowed+Reverb Edit) 06:15
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about

"Ghosts Inside Your Mind" is a loose concept album about a young woman running away from home after a violent confrontation with a family member. Part 1 mostly takes place before, during, and shortly after said argument.

Also included are several Bonus tracks I recorded within the same period I worked on this part of the album.

credits

released March 17, 2023

Marian McSplosion - Songwriting, Guitar, Keyboards, Drum Programming, Bass Programming, Vocals, Production, Illustration*

*Artwork uses assets Generated with Midjourney V4 with a picture of myself as an image prompt, then heavily edited in Paint(Dot)net and Firealpaca

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Mcsplosion Elgin, Texas

Hi, I make music.
I was originally planning to do primarily prog rock but now it's whatever I feel like.

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